On the Line

Last week I mentioned that my horse went lame before the Anne Kursinski clinic. After dealing with off/on lameness all spring, we finally got a verdict –I mean diagnosis- of a deep digital flexor tendon tear. So as I commence upon many, many weeks of handwalking, lots of thoughts are going through my head. Among them, the top ten reasons why having a broken horse feels a lot like . . .

1. When you saw him you just knew it; this was the one you’d been waiting for. The possibilities were endless. He was just so talented and smart! He had a super personality and all your friends loved him!

2. Those first few days/weeks/months were incredible. Everything just clicked! It was like you’d known each other for years.

3. Even better, he had no excess baggage! Well, none that you couldn’t handle just fine, thank you very much.

4. Sure, there were one or two minor communication issues, but after a few heart-to-hearts, everything was A-OK again.

5. Well, except for that nagging feeling you got from time to time that something might not be exactly right. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it. But anyway, he had no reason to be sore. You always worked so hard to give him the best care and attention!

6. Then one day something came up that you couldn’t ignore. The two of you visited the doctor together. The xray was clean but there was some swelling in the joints. Luckily, after a quick injection the problem went away!

7. . . . for a little bit. But now there was a crack in the foundation. And that darn crack just kept on growing. It was getting in the way of all your fun! You couldn’t run or jump together, and there were definitely no more long walks on the beach. Finally, you called a trusted specialist for help.

8. You should have trusted your gut. The problem had been there all along, but it had taken this long to get a good diagnosis. It took you even longer to accept it. Now what? Back in the days when anything seemed possible, you didn’t imagine this happening.

9.  Maybe you jumped the gun, and pressured him too soon. This could all be your fault. There’s no real way to tell.

10. He may recover, but you don’t know for sure. And after all that optimism at the beginning of the relationship, you don’t know if you’ll ever recover. Right now it just seems hopeless. Was there a time when you could look at him without your eyes tearing up? You can’t remember.

That's about where we are now